One Hundred Pound Titties

I was a juvenile prosecutor for twenty months. Every Friday, I would have trials which ranged in severity. I could have a Robbery With a Dangerous Weapon case on the same day as a misdemeanor larceny case. Most of the times, the juveniles would testify on their own behalf and present witnesses. The following summary is of one of my favorite cases.

Charge: Resist, Delay, Obstruct an Officer of the Law.

The juvenile, who was maybe thirteen, was the sibling of a student at a school. I called the school resource office who stated that the sibling and another student had previously had a heated discussion regarding something insignificant. After school let out, the two confronted each other, and they were about to fight. The school resource officer intervened. The school resource officer testified that the sibling then started to fight with him. The sibling took the school resource officer and pushed him. As this altercation continued, a car drove up and stopped. The sibling then pushed the school resource officer onto the top of this car. The struggle continue onto the schoolyard. During this scuffle, the officer testified that two individuals got out of the car. One of these individuals was the mother of the student, and the other was the juvenile-defendant, who was the student's younger sister. The juvenile-defendant tried to drag the officer off of her brother, which was why she was charged. The mother also intervened, and I believe received charges of her own.

After I rested my case, which was just the officer's testimony, the juvenile called her mother to testify on the juvenile's behalf. The mother testified that her son was being beaten up by the officer, so she got out of her car to help. The following is my cross-examination.

Me: So you got out the car?
Mom: Yes.

Me: Because you were upset that your son was being attacked?
Mom: Yes.

Me: Isn't it fair to say that your son was struggling with the officer when you got out of the car?
Mom: No. That's not what happened.

Me: So, are you saying that officer was incorrect when he said your son kept trying to confront the other student?
Mom: I was on top of [my son], and I had both my titties on him, and they weigh a hundred pounds each, so he wasn't goin' nowhere.

At this point, she kept on talking, but I had turned to the officer, who was sitting next to me, and whispered, "Did she just say 'titties'?" The officer nodded. Later on, a member of the audience came and said that while I was whispering the same question to the officer, the judge presiding had turned to the bailiff and whispered, "Did she just say 'titties'?"

She did. She said titties. For the record, I did not ask if, indeed, each of her breasts weighed one hundred pounds each, although they clearly did not. My estimation was that each teet weighed, at most, ten pounds.