What is the Greatest Phrase in the World, Alex?

Today, I was assigned to waiver court. Waiver court, although mundane and monotonous, is very enjoyable. Why? I enjoy waiver court because I am able to say one of the most awesome phrases known to man. I always open court with the following announcement:

Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Leah [insert last name], and I am the Assistant District Attorney assigned to this courtroom today. I work on behalf of your elected District Attorney [insert name of the elected District Attorney]. Today, in this courtroom, there will be no trials. We are here today, because each of you have been charged with an offense that places your liberty in jeopardy. [Side note-your liberty in jeopardy is the most awesome phrase.] By "liberty in jeopardy," I mean that, if you are found guilty or plead guilty to the charge, it is possible that you could go to jail. I am not saying that it is likely that you will go to jail, but it is in the realm of possibilities. Because your liberty is in jeopardy, you have certain rights regarding an attorney. You have the right to hire your own attorney; you have the right to represent yourself; and you have the right to ask for the court to appoint an attorney in your case, which could be from the Public Defender's Office or it could be a private attorney appointed by the court in your case. By a court appointed attorney, I do not mean a free attorney. If you are found guilty or plead guilty to the charge, or any lesser included charge, you will be assessed a fifty dollar appointment fee and charged sixty-five dollars an hour for your attorney's time. So, when I call your name, I just need to know how you plan to handle your right to an attorney.

I also like waiver court because the courtroom itself only seats about 65 people. Inevitably, there are several individuals who come in late. I can always tell who comes in late, because when I say the individual's name, he or she answers, "not guilty," when the only appropriate answer relates to which avenue the individual is going to proceed with regard to hiring an attorney. Because there are several "late calls," I have the opportunity to state, in a very loud voice, the greatest phrase in the world. For me, it is the best way to start the week.

POST SCRIPT & ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

In full candor to my reading audience, I cannot take credit (nor did I make such an attempt) for the creation of the greatest phrase in the world. I borrowed the phrase from the Honorable Judge Scott Ethridge who uttered the phrase when he conducted his first appearances. I enjoyed working with Judge Ethridge. He would always give a little preview as to what his sentence was going to be. I always knew that a defendant would be going to jail (his liberty was definitely in jeopardy), when Judge Ethridge stated, "Mr. Defendant, you have a fine attorney in Mr. Attorney. He did an excellent job defending your case today. You should shake his hand for the job that he did today. Mr. Defendant, my friend, this part is the worst party of my job...." Judge Ethridge would then sentence the defendant to jail. I could always tell when someone was going to be sporting the orange jumpsuit when Judge Ethridge called the defendant, "my friend," told him that his attorney did an excellent job, and noted what the worst part of his judge was.